I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
