i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am naked and annoyed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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