white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
