Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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