one might say we're banned from that church
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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