Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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