I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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