And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
