I don't think brook has ever known best
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
