Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
