The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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