his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
