I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
