8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just found a bag of teeth...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
