He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
