11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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