Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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