He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
