he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
