i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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