Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She said her name was "party"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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