Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
