Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
