Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
