your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
