god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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