I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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