I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
