After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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