i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nobody cheats on THIS.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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