Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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