I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
