I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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