I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize