5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
