Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
