Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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