My room smells like vodka and shame
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
