why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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