I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
