My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
