**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
