If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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