Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
