Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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