I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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