How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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