walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
