I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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