he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You dont lie about slip and slides
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
