she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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