I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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