i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
