Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
