i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
