once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i now understand why vodka
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
