theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
