So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
