i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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