I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize