i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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