fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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