I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
