Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
