I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
soo... how was my night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
