try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
