Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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