Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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