She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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