i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
