i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
