Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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