Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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