i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
