so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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