Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
being pregnant is like rehab
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
