i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
